THE FRIDAY FUNNIES

Over the days, weeks, months and years I have oft been besieged with the same question: Can't those guys from Star Trek ever run out of punny things to say?

Well, apparently, dear readers, the answer is "no"!

And just to show you the truth of that, I have dipped into the Humor Bank today and asked them to show their stuff.

So here goes, and this is not by any means, all of it.

Enjoy Trekkies!

So you see?

There's no end to those wacky travelers.

Let's face it.

All that time spent traveling from one Armageddon to another can get boring.

So let them have their fun.

They'll do the same for you on this wonderful weekend.

Have a great one.

And always remember to keep laughing!

Here, kitty-kitty . . .

( . . . oh, see, even he/she has to have his/her say . . . )

KITCHEN DUTY

 I spent the day in the kitchen.

It was by my own volition.

Judy was going out for lunch with Gayle so I had the area to myself.

First on the list were two loaves of bread that are alleged to be a knockoff of the brown bread served at the Cheesecake Company restaurants.

Next up and still bubbling away for a couple more hours: Marcella Hazan's Bolognese Sauce.

I've only had a sip or two of the sauce and it tastes like it will go good with pasta tomorrow.

The bread looks good but we haven't sampled it yet.

I'll let you know.

====================

Later: We did try the bread and it's delicious.  It has molasses and honey among a lot of other ingredients and there's a slight sweetness to the finished product. Yummers.

I had three meatballs broiled in the oven for my evening repast.

Judy is not fond of meatballs so I had no competition for them.

The meat was left over from the pasta sauce.  Could have made a burger but wanted to try this.

First time I've tried broiling anything.  It worked swell.

JUST ANOTHER DAY

So this morning we headed for the grocery store.

Judy had a lengthy list and a fistful of coupons and she told me this time she was going to do the shopping.

(hint: she thinks I don't do a good job of looking for the least expensive items.)

So I dropped her off at the door to the store and went to fill the car's gas tank up.

About 15 minutes later I returned and was lucky enough to find a parking space only a couple of slots from the door.

Then just as I was about to get out of the car my phone rang.

Since I was already parked, I figured I'd see who it was.

As it turned out it apparently was a spammer of some type or another.

But just as I was about to put my phone away and get out of the car, there was Judy at the other door.

She got in and said, exasperatedly, "It's a madhouse in there and there are no electric karts!  Let's go home!"

We started out and then she gave me the clincher.

"It's the Wednesday when everyone gets their Social Security payments and every oldster in town has rushed to the store."

"Why can't I remember that.  The best day to go to the grocery is THURSDAY!  The day after the Social Security payments and the day before the Friday shoppers!"

So we went home.

Just two empty-handed oldsters.

But there's always another day.

INVASION!!!

When I got up to feed the cat early this morning, I turned on the light over the kitchen counter and found THESE!

Tiny little black ants!

(note: this is NOT a picture of my counter, it's a stock photo from the Interwebs.)

The miniscule little buggers were everywhere.

I saw that a lemon and a bag of lemons had been left out overnight but I have no idea if that attracted them or not.

After scrunching several (I understate so as not to nauseate you), I gave up, fed the cat and went back to the arms of Morpheus.

But sleep would not come and I eventually arose for good and was doing battle with the teeny rascals as I brewed my morning coffee.

Judy arose and stumbled into the kitchen whereupon I confronted her with the awful truth.

We searched for some ant traps and didn't find them but we did find something that turned out to be tiny pellets which she sprinkled all over the counters.

Then I discovered a spray that was supposedly designed to kill ants and, following her orders, brought her the small hand vacuum so she could suck up all the pellets and dispose of them before spraying the counters.

We had previously moved everything, including an electric kettle and a smallish microwave, off the counters to a nearby table.

She had asked me to go out and get some ant traps and I did just that.

Let me tell you, dear readers, it was a relief to get away.

Anyway, when I got back everything had been moved back and the counters were spic and span clean.

As I told her this evening, we have to thank the ants because I don't think these counters have ever been this shiny clean.

She reminded me that that's my job as well as hers, keeping them neat and clean.

Anyway, the ant traps have been placed, the counters have been sprayed, and nary an ant has been seen this evening.

But, as the SNL character Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say, "It's always something!"

WHERE HAVE I GONE?

On January 15th, 2015, I weighed myself.

I tipped the scales at 241 pounds!

Now I used to be 6-feet-2 inches tall but recently I found I was only 6 feet!

Age tends to reduce one's height, if not their weight.

This photo of me was taken a few months later, on my 75th birthday.

I had definitely ballooned over the years.

So I began drinking less and perhaps watching my eating a bit less and slowly the pounds began to slip away.

When I got on the scale this morning, it registered 170.0 pounds!

That means I've lost 71 pounds from my top weight!

Granted, it's taken me over 9 years and not much effort has gone into it but there it is.

I had Judy take my photo a few minutes ago.

Though I do tend to prefer loose-fitting clothing, I think you can see the difference.

I give credit to the nagging cooking skills of my beloved SWMBO.

She has discovered the wonders of sheet pan baking.

(before)

(after)

Never mind the scorch marks around the chicken.

That's just barbecue sauce.

You can see some assorted mini-peppers, onions, potatoes, carrots and that wonderful faux-barbecued chicken.

Suffice it to say that it was, as usual, wonderfully tasty.

And, yes, while we do eat well; no, we don't eat like that every day.

THE REAR VIEW MIRROR

Many people, SWMBO among them, are keeping a close eye on this year's presidential campaign.

While I do read some articles online and occasionally watch some of the constant coverage on television, I am generally leaving the outcome to fate this year.

As a former radio and television journalist, I am finding it tiring.

But 60 years ago, when I was a young lad, it was a different story.

That was 1964, the year Senator Barry Goldwater was the Republican nominee.

When he made a campaign visit to North Dakota, where I was still living, I was hot on his trail.

Or maybe I should say "hot on his tail!"

That young clean-shaven guy in the houndstooth jacket behind him is your Catalyst.

Ten years later, I was living in Phoenix and Baseball Steve and I traveled to Washington, D.C. where a coterie of former staffers  of the Senator had organized an event around the title of the 10 year anniversary of the non-inauguration of Barry Goldwater.

I met then-president Gerald Ford on that visit.

But back home and off the campaign trail I was a hard-partying man of the 70's.

And then the calendar pages rapidly flutter past and it was the middle 80's and my bride and I were about to move to Mexico.

My friend Tommy Terrific sent me off with this clever card.

Ah the memories.

Who would have ever thought all that would have come out of this sweet young boy back in the 1940's?

But it could be that's where "Here, kitty-kitty" first began!

THE FRIDAY FUNNIES

Never mind that I first thought Wednesday was Friday and then I thought it was Sunday.

Don't you think these weeks are going by faster and faster?

I suppose that could be a blessing as autumnal weather seems to have finally arrived here in the Central Highlands of Arizona.

I don't think it reached 90 degrees yesterday and the Weather Gods are predicting several days with high temperatures in the 70's next week!

Of course it is the middle of September so it's been expected for some time.

Well at least it gives us something to smile about.

And here's a few others to grin at.

Now I think you have to be an absolute Trekkie to get that last one though I don't claim to be and I figured it out.

I hope you got some chuckles out of this week's crop from my Humor Bank elves and I.

And I also hope you'll have an absolutely marvy weekend.

(And surprise, triskadekaphobians, I didn't even mention that today is Friday the 13th!  Until now.)

Just remember to always keep laughing!

Here kitty-kitty . . . 

( . . . or should I say "kitties" . . . )