Self punishers that we are, we watched the umpteenth Republican presidential contendors debate tonight. Why, oh why, do we do it. There is lots of other programming on television. There are "Dog, the Bounty Hunter"; "Miami Ink"; "Dog Whisperer", "Tommy Lee Goes to College" and many other quality programs.
But no, we waste our lives watching a diminishing band of lunatics trying to become the favorite of the Republican party to be destroyed by President Barack Obama. I mean, who's going to compete with this:
But, anyway, the Final Four went at it again tonight down there in Florida. Mighty Willard (Willard Mitt Romney - you can look it up) wielded the cudgel tonight over his opponent Leroy (Newton Leroy Gingrich - you can look that one up, too). Willard, having been duly worked over by Leroy up there in the intellectual hotbed that is South Carolina last week, decided he was going to give that fat little spider a taste of his own medicine. And so he did, at one time reducing poor Leroy to a near-Rick Perry moment, when he paused for a lengthy time before trying a comeback. One would have thought that Leroy had been so stunned by the Mormon onslaught that he couldn't think in great ponderous thoughts, as is so often his wont.
Meantime, poor Ricky Santorum (looking for all the world like a Cub Scout) and patient Ron Paul (who appeared simultaneously bored and amused) anchored the ends of this duel in the swamp. They each got about 10 percent of the time allotted to the other two dingbats. And that's about what they're worth.
One has to nearly feel sorry for Santorum, who looks so aggrieved but also shamefaced when he is suddenly called upon to answer one of the rare questions directed his way.
Not so for Ron Paul. He is always ready to lecture us on his bizarre theories of monetary and Constitutional reform. As he nearly said tonight, he knows he has no chance of winning the presidential nomination but he loves the attention his out-of-date theories are getting via his continued candidacy.
(By the way, did you hear about his son, Senator Rand Paul? He set off an alarm at the airport in Nashville today, refused a TSA patdown and was denied permission to fly to Washington. Seems like the whole family has been smokin' that wacky tobaccy.)
So anyway, tonight Willard (Mitt) got tough with Leroy (Newt). We'll see how that goes over with the fine Republican voters of Florida, several hundred thousand of which have already voted.
But in Washington, laughter (and maybe some Al Green music) is resounding from the White House.
