FRIDAY FUNNIES

Yes, folks, it's time once again for (drum roll) The Friday Funnies! To those of you who might say "Oh, that's a crock" . . .

Then there are the before and after (dinner) photos . . .

Now if you think that's a bit squirrely, all I can add is "Ready everyone?  Say Nuts!"

Enjoy your weekend, folks, and always remember to include a laugh or two in your daily routine.

THROWBACK THURSDAY

The 1970's in Phoenix.  My days as a television news reporter.  Local boy Vincent Furnier is relaxing prior to his concert that night.

Oh, yeah.  You might know him as rock star Alice Cooper.

BONUS POST - WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

QUOTES FOR SPORTS FANS

My dear friend, Lori, forwarded these to me and I decided to share them.

Sports quotes you may have never heard


Last year we couldn't win at home and we were
losing on the road. My failure as a coach was
that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play.
- Harry Neale, professional hockey coach

"Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch."
- Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver

"I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will  be perfect."
- Doug Sanders, professional golfer

"All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'"
- Mickey Lolich, DetroitTigers Pitcher

"When it's third and ten, you can have the milk drinkers; I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time."
- Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver

"I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having them."
- Tommy LaSorda ,LA Dodgers manager

"My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget."
- E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations

"My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't as good."
- Vic Braden, tennis instructor

"When they operated, I told them to add in a Koufax fastball. They did but unfortunately it twas Mrs. Koufax's."
- Tommy John N.Y. Yankees, recalling his 1974 arm surgery

"I don't know. I only played there for nine years."
- WaltGarrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles

"We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost."
- John Breen, HoustonOilers

"The film looks suspiciously like the game itself."
- Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to
the AtlantaFalcons

"When I'm on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo."
- Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher

"I have discovered in 20 years of moving around the ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats."
- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner

"Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day."
- Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage
ceremony was before noon.

"I have a lifetime contract. That means I can't be fired during the third quarter if we're ahead and moving the ball."
- Lou Holtz ,Arkansas football coach

"I won't know until my barber tells me on Monday."
- Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game

"I tell him 'Attaway to hit, George.'"
- Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George
Brett on hitting

"I learned a long time ago that 'minor surgery' is when they do the operation on someone else, not you."
- Bill Walton, PortlandTrial Blazers

"Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash."
- George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying the team
roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores.

"The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday."
- Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach

A TRUE STORY FOR APRIL 1ST

(Click on the word below)

Slomo

A (MOSTLY) SLEEPLESS NIGHT

For some unknown reason, in my retirement years I've taken to retiring for the night earlier than I have for many decades and rising at the crack of dawn, or earlier.

Last night, I turned out the light before ten o'clock after reading a bit in my current book and promptly went to sleep.  Until about 3 a.m. 

I wakened then, as I frequently do, and made the middle of the night visit to the bathroom.  Then back to bed.  Where I rolled and tossed, as the expression goes, for half an hour becoming more and more awake.  
Finally I gave up.  I rose, went to my den and turned on the computer.  I checked the Powerball numbers, learned once again that I was not a zillionaire, read a couple of emails, scheduled a couple of payments for next month, scanned the Sunday New York Times digital edition, worked two crossword puzzles from the L.A. Times, checked the current news to see if any legitimate sign of that missing airplane had been found yet (it hadn't), and finally turned the computer off at about 5:30 and went back to bed.  Now, I'd finish my night's sleep, I reasoned.

I reasoned wrong.  About 45 minutes of sleeplessness later my right foot, which suffers from neuroma or nerve pain, was driving me nuts.  It suddenly occurred to me that I might have forgotten to take my "night pills" before turning out the light.  I checked.  I had overlooked them. Included in my night pills is an over-the-counter sleep aid and not taking it last night apparently caused my wakefulness.  So I rose, took my "morning pills", which includes something for the foot pain, sighed mightily and got dressed.  Outside to pick up the print edition of the Sunday New York Times.  Warmed a cup of coffee and here I am about 2-1/2 hours later.

 I just related my experience to SWMBO and she noted correctly "It sounds like a nap day."  It does indeed and I hopefully will enjoy one. Or two.

But I was just thinking as I wrote this:  "Damn!  This growing old business is not a lot of fun!"

FRIDAY FUNNIES

We begin this week with thanks to Bill Maher, who suggested as the perfect Republican presidential candidate in 2016 . . . this man.

While trying to get that picture out of your mind, you may find yourself staring at the sky like the creatures here . . .

I wonder if thse two aren't the offspring of that couple in my banner photo.

Here's how I sometimes feel after I've visited the barber.

And mustn't forget the kitties.

And finally, this next guy could be my avatar.

Have a great weekend, folks, and don't forget to laugh a little.

Or a lot!