FRIDAY FUNNIES

Good morning, Chicago!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Ain't technology great?

Speaking of cats . . .

Here's a fact known only to people who have located their NSA spying videos:

Have a great weekend, folks, it's a long one.  Or as we old retirees say "It's just another weekend."

THROWBACK THURSDAY

Innsbruck, Austria, 1985.  I am overcome by the beauty of this city's setting at the foot of the Alps.  Or perhaps by the altitude and the effect it (and the high-octane beer available locally) had on me.

Meantime . . .

. . . my lovely wife, Judy, seemed overcome by the charms of one of a group of locals we ran into and then joined as we closed a bar we were all frequenting.  His name was Bruno.  Judy and I were in agreement that he should henceforth be known as Beautiful Bruno.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

SORRY . . .

Well, that didn't work.  Apparently the pictures would not show up for you folks.  It worked fine on my machine but . . . so it goes.

I took my car (NOT a G-M model) in to a dealer and had four, count em, 4 recall problems attended to this afternoon.  It only took about an hour and a half and they washed my car.  All free.

I've been battling with my television.  The other night Judy had Pandora playing through the t.v. and when she was done she just turned off the television.  We don't have a WI-FI equipped t.v. but the DVR is and gets the Pandora.  When SWMBO turned the t.v. on again the next day it was locked up on a Pandora screen and I couldn't turn the DVR off.  Finally got rid of it by cutting the power to the device.  Then we couldn't get a signal from Direct TV.  I tried everything without success.  Finally called for tech support and they couldn't solve the problem either.  I scheduled a tech visit for Wednesday.

But then, like the old ham radio operator I used to be, I kept diddling with it.  Finally just plugged the Direct TV box directly into the t.v. set and, lo and behold, it worked!  Of course that meant I no longer had the use of the DVR.  I have a little box that resides between the Direct TV box, the DVR and the TV set.  It's a whatchamacallit thing that should result in everything working in unison.  Before, when I wanted to watch a movie in the DVR or play Pandora through it I just turned on the DVR and it took over.

I think I finally solved the problem when Judy remembered a tiny remote that (supposedly) controls the whatchamacallit box.  I have been able to run both the t.v. and the DVR now but it adds one more frickin' remote to the coffee table.

Why can't my life be more simple?

THOSE BY-GONE DAYS

I am indebted to a friend, Lovable Lorinda, for forwarding the following on to me today.  I know not who the true author is but I enjoyed it.  I hope you do.

I  know some of you will not understand this message,
but I bet you know someone who might.  I came across this phrase yesterday.    'FENDER   SKIRTS'

A term I haven't heard in a long time, and thinking about
'fender skirts' started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with  hardly a  notice like 'curb  feelers'.

     
    And 'steering knobs.' (AKA) 'suicide knob,'   'neckers knobs.'

Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that   direction first.  Any kids will probably have to find some older person over 50 to explain some of these terms  to  you.

Remember 'Continental  kits?'  They  were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were  supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln  Continental.
      

When did we quit calling them 'emergency brakes? At some point 'parking brake' became the proper term. But I  miss the hint of drama that went with 'emergency brake.'

I'm  sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who  would call the accelerator the 'foot feed.'  Many today do not even know what a clutch is or that the  dimmer switch  used to be on the floor.  For that matter, the starter  was down there too.
      
Didn't you ever wait at the street for your daddy to come home,  so you could ride the 'running board' up to the house?

Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore -  'store-bought.'  Of course, just about  everything is store-bought these days.  But once it was  bragging material to  have a store-bought dress or a  store-bought bag of candy.
      
'Coast to coast' is a phrase that once held all sorts of   excitement and now means almost nothing.  Now we take the term  'worldwide' for granted.  This floors me.
      
On a smaller scale, 'wall-to-wall' was once a magical term in our homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or  her hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall  carpeting!  Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.  

When was the last time you heard the quaint phrase 'in a family  way?' It's hard to imagine that the word  'pregnant' was once considered a little too graphic, a little too clinical  for use in polite company, so we had all that talk about stork visits and 'being in a family way' or simply 'expecting.' 

Speaking of female items, nobody talks about 'housedresses' any more.  All the ladies wore them.  Nobody wore slacks or 'blue jeans' except if you were a farmer.

Apparently  'brassiere' is a word no  longer in usage. I said  it the other day and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's  just 'bra' now.  'Unmentionables'  probably wouldn't be understood at all. 

I always loved going to the  'picture show,' but I considered 'movie' an affectation.
   
Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure '60s  word I came across the other day 'rat fink.'  Ooh, what  a nasty put-down!
      
Here's a word I miss - 'percolator.'  That was just a fun word to say.  And what was it replaced with? 'Coffee  maker.'  How dull... Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.
  

    

I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound  so modern and now sound so retro.  Words like  'Dyna Flow' and 'Electrolux' and 'Frigidaire.'  Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now  with  'Spectra Vision!'
       
Food for thought.  Was there a telethon that wiped out   lumbago?  Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe  that's what Castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening  kids with Castor Oil anymore.
     
Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list.  The one that grieves me most is 'supper.'  Now everybody says 'dinner.' Save a  great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.

SUNDAY SALUTE

No words.  Just blossoms.

FARMERS MARKET

Saturday is a day the homeowner tends to go shopping, particularly if there's a special place to do it.  And there is.

Sited in a parking lot at Yavapai College, the Prescott Farmers Market is large and very popular.

Locally home-grown vegetables from small farms are the main draw.

But you can also buy your own herb plants here.

Or how about this: artichoke blooms.

There are also products to satisfy your sweet tooth.

You can buy flowers here.

Or consider adopting a dog.

Or just spend your time people-watching.

(Those two colorful costumes caught my eye.)

If this all gets to be too much for you, you can even get a relaxing massage.

The farmers are a bit secretive about their various growing techniques.  One even had a slogan for it.

No day at an event in Prescott is complete without a little music.  So here you go.

Hey, maybe I'll see you next week at the Farmers Market!

FRIDAY FUNNIES

Yup.  It's that time again.  Time for some chuckles.

Now THIS is a rare book!

And this week's final words . . .

Let's hope that's not on YOUR tombstone.  Keep chuckling, folks, and it probably won't be!  Have a great weekend.

THROWBACK THURSDAY

My boys and I

  Relaxing in 1971

  Chicago skyline in background

WORDY WEDNESDAY

TWO DAYS IN THE LIFE

Sunday was Mother's Day and SWMBO (Judy) was feted by her daughter, the BRD (Beautiful Rich Daughter) and her Beau Jack with a brunch.

There were cards and a corsage and a paper umbrella for her Mimosa!

And a bouquet of flowers and a Mother's Day balloon!

Which Blackwell had to investigate once we got home.

Monday was SWMBO's birthday.  We celebrated by moving the birdbath in our back yard to a better location and doing some pruning of a tree and a holly plant.

Then it was off to the Fireside Grill.  The birthday girl and I celebrated with what Dorothy Parker once called "a tee martooni lunch!"

A fine and very pleasurable two days of celebration.

THE BUNNY HOP

Yes, he knows Easter has passed.

But that little bunny still comes visiting.

And he seems fearless.  Judy was digging up weeds only about 12 feet away from him but he never spooked.

As she continued to work and to talk to me back by the house he just watched her and munched on a few sprigs of grass.  When he was done, he just turned and hopped through the gate, without fear.

So to celebrate Judy's (**th) birthday today, let's all join Ray Anthony and his orchestra in doing . . . THE BUNNY HOP!

(If you'd like to wish Judy a happy birthday today, you can reach her at judyt78@gmail.com)

TOO GOOD NOT TO SHARE

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period. 

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?