CANCER!

I had my first, and hopefully last, cancer surgery today.  It was a squamos cell carcinoma about the size of a quarter on my upper right arm.  I have no idea what caused it except that I was always a fair-haired, fair-skinned boy who took no heed of the dangers from the sun's rays.  I burned my skin to a crisp more than once.  And perhaps this is how I paid for it.  I think this will be the only picture from this adventure.

It's not much.  Just my arm heavily bandaged and wrapped with an elastic bandage.  SWMBO tells me I will have a scar to brag about once it's healed . . probably about 5 inches long.  But I don't think I'll show that to you.  I'm not LBJ, after all.

The medical assistant shot me full of numbing stuff, about 6 hypos full, until my arm just felt like a piece of dead wood.  They had me lie on my left side, covered me with all kinds of paper stuff and the doctor began slicing.  At least I guess he did.  I felt nothing until late in the game when he hit an area that hadn't been numbed.  I said, loudly, "Ouch!  I felt that!"  He apologized and called a second assistant who emptied yet another hypo into me.  No more pain. 

I carried on a jocular (as only I can) conversation with the doctor throughout the surgery and told him how good my arm felt when he began doing the subcutaneous stitching.  It felt like it was becoming taut and muscular again.  Well, actually that "again" may be an overstatement since I've been a rather flabby guy for decades.

SWMBO . . . okay, my wife Judy . . . stayed in the room the entire time and said the doctor did some fine chain stitches.  At one point she asked him if he'd ever tried crocheting.  He said he didn't think he had the patience for that.  I then accused him of making a pun: patience - patients, get it?

Finally it was over and contrary to the doctor's warnings, I have had no pain or discomfort whatsoever.  This is about 6 hours after the surgery.  I'm happy and as the saying goes "cancer free."

Let's hear it for modern medicine.

SWABIA, OH SWABIA!

Swabia is a mountainous region in southwestern Germany that borders both Switzerland and France.  It produced this.

That, hungry readers, is an onion, bacon and caraway tart.  Let's view it from the Oddball helicopter.



Actually Swabia only produced the recipe.  This particular tart was produced by SWMBO.  It is delicious.



It contains copious quantities of onions and bacon and caraway seeds.  And some butter.  And egg yolks.  And cream.

Is it any wonder that I obey a woman who can create this kind of culinary masterpiece?  Swabia, gastronomy, SWMBO . . . you have my heart.

GIMME SHELTER!!!

The Rolling Stones are always good for some hip-shakin' music on a quiet Saturday.  But check out the stunning Lisa Fischer, trading riffs with Mick on this live version of Gimme Shelter.



By the way, think 11 and 22.  I just noticed this is my 1,122nd post here on Oddball.  Thanks for following along.

SWMBO SPEAKS

She's back!  Yes, once again SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed) has been rankled and has risen to . . the pen.  Herewith, her recent epistle:

Watermelon!!

I'm fed up!  Why is everyone trying to improve on watermelon?  What's to improve?

The last straw was a recent potluck dinner party when one of the guests said, "You all are my guinea pigs tonight.  I tried a new salad recipe.  Hope you like it."

Well, I didn't.  Watermelon accompanied by garlic and olives and tomatoes, for God's sake!  Garlic, olives and tomatoes love each other but they get together and jump on watermelon and kick all the texture, flavor and beauty right out of it.

Today I received a new magazine in the mail and there it was: a recipe for tomato, cucumber and watermelon salad, with cilantro, scallions and cayenne!

Okay, folks.  I'm not a complete purist.  One of my favorites is a "Melon Salad" using equal amounts of watermelon, honeydew and cantaloupe with a bare hint of raspberry vinaigrette and fresh mint.

If you do much more than this, you kill the essence.  And don't even let me hear that you put some on the grill.

I'm just sayin'.

THE ORIGINAL SPAM

Long before electronic spam . . .

. . . long before Monty Python's spam . . .




. . . long before Spamarama,

    . . . long before Spamalot,

there was simply Spam, a spiced meat product invented by the Hormel company in Austin, Minnesota. 



It is a canned precooked meat product.  The name Spam came from a combination of the words "spiced" and "ham".  As of 2007, seven billion cans of Spam have been sold.  3.8 cans are consumed every second in the United States.  You can read a lot more about Spam here.

It is actually quite fascinating, including the surprising information that Spam is sold in many varieties of flavors . . like Spam Hot and Spicy, with Tabasco flavor added; Spam Oven Roasted Turkey; Spam with Bacon; Spam Garlic; and many others.

Spam is on the menu at McDonald's restaurants in Guam, Hawaii and Saipan, and on Burger King menus in Hawaii.  In fact, it is so popular in Hawaii it is sometimes referred to as The Hawaiian Steak.

All of which is to tell you that . . . wait for it . . . I like Spam.  SWMBO and, I'm sure, a lot of other people think I'm nuts.  She can't even stand the smell of it.  But I like it.

Take a big hamburger bun, slather some mayonaisse on the bottom half, some margarine on the top and insert a couple of slices of Spam.

Top the Spam with a slice of American cheese.

Top it with the other half of the bun, add some potato chips and . . voila!  A sandwich fit for a king.

Or a Viking.  (see previous Monty Python video)

THE PATIO'S DONE

Regular readers of this blog may recall that SWMBO decided our front patio looked like the dickens and needed some work.  If you hadn't heard about it or can't remember, here's a link to that story.

Well after the power washing, here is what she had left.

It stayed that way for quite a while as she contemplated it and discussed various ideas for what to do with it.  Then around the middle of May we went to Phoenix and stopped in at a house party.  The host and hostess have a lovely back yard, much of which was covered in a patio of the same hue as ours used to be.  SWMBO chatted with the hostess about it and got some tips on what to do.

When we came home she bought several cans of Rustoleum paint.  But by then it was too hot to work outside.  Finally she knew it wasn't going to get any cooler until the monsoon blew in and it would bring rain so it was "now or never".  So on a couple of mornings she rose at some obscenely early hour and worked on the patio.  Here is the result.

She wanted that sort of mottled look, not just solid reddish-brown like it was the first time.  I think it looks pretty darn good.  And I was warned more than once to stay away so my investment in sweat equity is ZERO!

Oh, and by the way, happy Fourth of July!



WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?

I'm a very light eater in the morning so this is fine with me.

A toasted and buttered English muffin, topped with Blackberry preserves.

Thank you, T.J.