Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Quotations from Mr. Bill

Well look at what I found in my e-mail this morning. These came from an old friend who originally was called Boom Boom. Then he became Boomer. I guess now he thinks of himself as Mr. Bill.

Mr. Bill's Laws of the Perversity of Nature

Nature sides with the hidden flaw.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
If you drop your toast it always falls with the jam side down.
If it doesn't, you put your jam on the wrong side.
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down
is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Mr. Bill's Law of Selective Gravity

An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Mr. Bill's Laws of Selective Physics

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.
If it jams ‑ force it. If you can't force it, get a larger hammer.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
When all else fails, read the instructions.

Whenever you are looking for a standard screwdriver; You will find a phillips
Whenever you are looking for a phillips screwdriver; You will find a standard.

Mr. Bill's Laws of Infernal Dynamics

An object in motion will be headed in the wrong direction.
An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
A wire cut to length will be too short.
It works better if you plug it in.

If a project is not worth doing at all, it's not worth doing well.

The solution to a problem changes the problem.

When working towards the solution of a problem,
it always helps if you know the answer.

Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.

The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come again.

Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.

Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

A taxpayer is someone who doesn't have to take a civil service exam
to work for the government.

All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.

Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.

Murphy was an optimist.


meggie said...

That is a good list. All true too!

Henri said...

I've seen some of these before , But they are all good .The older you get the more you realise what nasty little tricks life can have in store for you -- unless short term memory loss intervenes and then you can rediscover them over and over again HaHa .