THE FRIDAY FUNNIES

I bet you thought that outburst of humor yesterday would have been this week's Friday Funnies, only one day early.

No, no, rich kids.

That was just a Halloween Special.

The Humourmeister is right here today with another dose for what ails you.

But before we begin, let me prove to you that the Taylors went all out on their Halloween decorations this year.

All right, shall we get to the business at hand?

Them's the chokes, folks.

Chokes, those are jokes you choke on.

Jiminy, do I have to explain everything!

Now calibrate carefully, don't be cautious, be non-conventional, be contemporaneous, clearheadedness is not called for, let comedy be your construct, your cause for certification.

In summation, have a GREAT weekend!

And always keep laughing!

(And chorteling and cackling, just to continue the chorus.)

(whew)

Here, kitty-kitty . . .

( . . . oh, yeah, I've seen that look. . . . )

THOSE SCARY DODGERS & THE SPOOKS

Finally, here it is.

The night of silent sepulchres and slithery serpents.

The night of darkness and fear.

Halloween!

But before I get to that, for what sports fans are out there, the Los Angeles Dodgers are once again the baseball kings of the world, having defeated the New York Yankees in the 2024 World Series.

Now you all know me as a fan of the Arizona Diamondbacks and as one who "hates" the Dodgers.

But as I told Baseball Steve the other night, I've hated the Yankees for far longer, since I was a little kid.

And until the Diamondbacks came into existence in 1998 I was a Dodger fan, first with Brooklyn and then with L.A. once they moved.

I have proof.

That's me in a photo taken on the patio of our home in Guadalajara, Mexico in 1988, triumphantly holding up the Los Angeles Times.

So Congratulations, once again, to the Mighty Dodgers and wait 'til next year.

Now, as for Halloween, I promised you an extravaganza and here it comes.

That's it for me for this Halloween, good friends and Gentle Readers.

I hope you have a rip-roaring good time and are not too frightened this Halloween Night.

And always remember something . . . what the heck was it anyway?

Oh, yeah, KEEP LAUGHING!

Here, kitty-kitty . . .

( . . . ooooooohhh . . . )

ONE MORE DAY OF SUSPENSE

Yes, fiendish friends, we're down to the brink.

Only one more day until Halloween.

Now whether you are a true traditionalist and have your home decorated inside and out with jack-o-lanterns and skeletons and gauzy fabric mimicking spider webs and imitation black cats and ghouls and vampires . . . or whether you're like me, hiding in a darkened back room until it's all over . . . it's a great time to overdo your candy crushes.

I read somewhere this past week that Reese's Pieces are the favored candy given out on Halloween Night in most of the United States. I'm not a fan.

Of course, there are a lot of pumpkin recipes that we'll be seeing from now until Thanksgiving next month, if not beyond.

They include cheesecakes, bars and other cookies of all makes, as well as the traditional pumpkin pies.

Years ago I became family-famous for my pumpkin cheesecake but I haven't made it in ages.

Maybe this year.

You could tell me of your Halloween traditions as well as your favored pumpkin recipes, if you have either.

In the meantime, I wish you great fun (or not) tomorrow night and a warning: don't eat too much sugary wonderfulness.

Now here's something to perhaps give you pause.

TWO TO GO!

My warnings are getting scarier, even to me!

But my goblin friends, time is drawing truly short now for you to prepare for the ghostly night.

Speaking of goblin, or rather gobblin', you know I've told you about my baking many times here.

And also many times about SWMBO's cooking.

She does most of that.

But yesterday, I took pity on her and decided I, the so-called Master of the House, would make dinner.

And so I did and here's a photo of my kitchen extravaganza.

True, I did have some help from Orville Redenbacher and my microwave oven.

But still.

It's the caring that counts, right?

Now back to that most terrifying of all nights, coming up soon as the pendulum clock ticks away in the darkened hall, but still keeping to a food theme, as is my wont, brace yourself.

Just two more days, folks, just two more days.

THREE TO GO!

 Time is of the essence.

And you ghouls that celebrate with the spooks and the black cats have little time to prepare.

Halloween is Thursday night!

But first, let me tempt your taste buds once again.

This was all Judy, as most of our meals are here in our quiet abode.

In the tradition of her ancestry, bratwurst and sweet potato chunks surround a partial head of cabbage, which was sauteed in Balsamic vinegar.

Did I say "our quiet abode".

As I'm sitting down to this I break into a loud chorus of, "Ja, das ist die Liechtensteiner Polka, ja, ja!"

If Google Translate is to be believed that translates to "Yes, that is the Liechtensteiner Polka, yes, yes!"

Which of course has absolutely nothing to do with the meal in front of me but it's been my tradition anytime she puts German food on the table.

I can be a bit of an ass.

I don't know that the side dish salad is of any particular national tradition but cantaloupe and watermelon sure go well with the other food.

And people, always lightly salt your melon slices; it brings out the sweetness even more.

But to get back to readying yourself for the big night ahead, just be careful with your costuming.

ONWARD YOU ZOMBIES!

If any of you have been paying attention, you may have noticed that I began awhile back posting cover pictures of the latest book I've read.

It's over in the right margin of this page.

If you've been keeping track, you've seen that my interests are all over the block.

In other words, fiction to non-fiction and subjects widely disparate.

My latest addition is new today as I finally completed reading "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austen.

Perhaps an unusual choice for a 21st century man to read because it's an extremely wordy romance novel first published over 200 years ago.

But I kept hearing, throughout my long life, about Austen and one day when I was browsing in our public library I spotted several of her books on a shelf.

So I brought one home, determined to see what all the praise was about.

Now, granted, she was a very good writer and, as I remarked to Judy, she had mastered a fine art of any good suspense novelist of this or any century: the cliff-hanger.

Leaving just enough at the end of each chapter to make the reader want to know what was going to happen in the next and keep him or her reading.

But after 50 chapters and 452 pages of very fine print, I think I've read enough Jane Austen to last this curious guy all the years he has left.

Now to change subjects violently, need I remind you that there are only a few days left before the darkest of holidays, All Hallows Eve?

More commonly known these days as Halloween.

If warnings ARE needed, then here is some help from the Comedy Bank/Banque.

THE MARCH TOWARD HALLOWEEN

You may be forgiven for not inquiring as to the progress on the fence mural as it has been many months.

But those months meant Summer.

And with the double impact of living in Arizona and the effects of Climate Change, that means months of staying inside and away from the mural.

Recently, however, the weather broke a bit and the juices of creation began stirring again in my Resident Artist, also known here as SWMBO, or She Who Must Be Obeyed.

So let me show you the recent progress with the admonition from herself to inform you that this is a work in progress and much more needs to be done.

Yet there, peeping through her hideaway in a cluster of flowers, is someone who resembles our beloved Sweetie-Pie!

Last night, the model herself was across the room from us, practicing her Halloween stare.

Oh yes, it's her.

She was "ready for her close-up."

I think she was more frightening than this friend she may have been trying to emulate.

At any rate, the paint goes on and I'll try to keep you informed of new progress.

Speaking of artists . . .

Only five more days folks.